When Things Bother Me

To be honest I don’t really know what to write in this post. Things have been bothering me lately, and I don’t know what to do. My wedding is coming up and that’s added pressure. I had wanted my wedding day to be a relaxed affair, and not like a ‘normal’ wedding. That’s what I first planned. We were going to have it in our garden in Mexico, turning the swimming pool into a dance area. We were looking at prices for lights, dj, food…. but then we realised that 50 people just won’t fit in the garden, so we had to change plans.

So now I’m having this ‘normal’ wedding like everyone else in a venue; a reception, a toast….. and although I hope it will be a good day… it’s not exactly what I wanted for my wedding. I don’t like being centre of attention, so having a typical wedding day isn’t something I would choose.

I was even looking looking at dresses that weren’t even typical wedding dresses. But then once we moved it to the venue and I realised that yes it’s a full blown thing, then I kind of HAD to resort to getting a typical white wedding dress.

I’m looking forward to the day and then I’m not. I just hope that all will be ok. So that and just other things are stressing me out. Sometimes I feel it was the wrong decision to move to Mexico. And sometimes I am very unhappy with the situation I’m in. Maybe should we have stayed in China? I don’t know. I miss it a lot. I really do, it was my home for 5 years, and I mourn my old life a lot.

It just feels I’m stuck in limbo yet again. This time I’m studying Spanish, and yet again I just can’t see much progress in it. Also I can’t work because if I do get a job then I’ll have to say “Well thanks for the job offer but just to let you know I can’t work for at least 3 weeks in a few months time”. That certainly won’t look good. So both of us can’t look for jobs because we have our wedding.

So this and other things that are happening are just bothering me and making me unhappy, and I don’t know what to do.

Aisling.

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