Oh No! Rain On Our Wedding Day!

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Me and my Daddy

About 3 weeks before the wedding, I was a bit obsessed about the weather. Everyday I kept checking and checking to see if there was any change of the endless blue sky. Then I notice…… clouds…… rain……THUNDER!

Yes, apparently on the weather forecast there was supposed to be all of these things on our big day. So that was when I really started getting worried. I decided that I wouldn’t look at the weather until the wedding. I really didn’t want to worry myself. I had the whole wedding to worry about so I didn’t want to add to the list!

So my Mam and Dad came, and the weather was just as sunny as always! I was on my phone one day and I clicked on the weather app by accident! You know when you just unconsciously click on something without really doing it; well I did that and I realise ‘AHH I’M ON THE WEATHER APP!!!’

But then I notice…….. on my wedding was a lovely sun showing up! SUN!!?? What the hell??? Did the weather change??!! Is there really not going to be clouds and rain??? No thunder!?

Seeing this really really made me happier! I was put at ease then seeing that!

So, the wedding day comes and the morning is sunny as usual. At 2pm it’s time for me to get my hair and makeup done. I sit down and they start beautifying me!

Then….. while my eyes are closed I hear a strange noise…

tap, tap, tap

‘That sounds like rain’ I thought to myself.

I open my eyes. IT IS RAIN!

There’s a huge grey cloud overhead, and drops of rain keep coming, faster and faster.

Now it’s really raining. I try and stay calm. It will be ok, it’s only a burst of rain. The cloud looks like it’s going away from us. It’ll be ok Aisling. 

Then, a big roar of thunder.

Oh god, the weather app was right. I can’t believe it was right 3 weeks ago! 

Then to add to it, the hairdressers daughter came back with a hailstone to show me! Even more drama!

At this stage it was still raining and I started to worry then. I wanted to have our ceremony in the nice garden, how will the photographer be able to take any nice photos in the rain? He’s going to be limited to just the restaurant area…. Typical. It hasn’t rained since December, and on my wedding it HAS to rain!

Honestly, it hasn’t rained since about December here. I was just thinking to myself how typical it was to rain on my wedding day.

So, I just kind of resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be raining. ‘I don’t even have a nice umbrella to bring with me’ I thought!

At about 3:25 the rain finally started to stop. The big grey cloud was heading away from us, and I was happy to see the sun and blue clouds appear again!

I was hoping that that was it, there weren’t any clouds hiding from view! At 5 o’clock myself, my dad and my father in law left the house to go to the venue. The weather was back to it’s sunny ways, and for the ceremony the weather was perfect! As if it didn’t rain at all!

I really just couldn’t believe that there was rain AND THUNDER! 2 weeks after the wedding, there has not been a DROP of rain since that day!

People were telling me that rain before a wedding means good luck, so we must have gotten a tonne load of luck! Maybe it’s a good omen for our marriage too!

So, we were unlucky to get rain, but lucky that it stopped in time, but at the same time….. we were actually lucky to get rain…..??!

Confusing!

Aisling

My Therapist Said…

I’ve been stressing out lately about things…. the wedding, living in Mexico, money, not having much independence… just general things in life. Every week myself and my husband go to a therapist and we just talk about stuff that makes me anxious and what I can do to improve my life. My husband comes to translate because although my therapist understands a lot of what I say, I don’t think his speaking is as good. I don’t mind because I tell my husband everything so he knows beforehand what we’re going to discuss.

One thing I’ve been stressing about is learning my Spanish every day. “Today you need to learn this Aisling…..Oh you still haven’t done it, you’re going to have to do extra tomorrow.”.

Tomorrow comes “Don’t forget you have extra to study today….you’re going to be way behind in everything and won’t learn anything”.

And yet I still don’t do it. So I pressure myself to learn this, do that, write this out, study this grammar, and then there’s just so much that I need to do that I end up abandoning everything.

Then I feel bad for not doing anything all day.

So my therapist was telling me maybe leave studying Spanish for a while and see how I get on. I do want to continue studying though, so he recommend that I to do it in a more fun way. So I’m going to try and do that.

He also advised me just to relax more and do more of what I enjoy. I don’t do many things because my bloody head is constantly thinking ‘You have to study, you have to study… study… study… STUDY!!!.’ So I feel I shouldn’t be watching videos on YouTube because I really should be studying instead.

But my therapist made sense, and from now on for the foreseeable future I’m just going to relax more, stop worrying about Spanish, and just do what I feel like doing. Do stuff that makes me happy.

When I want to and feel like studying then I’ll do it. I’m going to try and not get annoyed at myself if I don’t.

You know it’s just that I know I’m not very good at languages. I know it. I know I need to put pressure on myself. Just doing nothing isn’t going to make the language stick in my head. I’m definitely not gifted with languages that’s for sure. I don’t mind that. I just want to see that my efforts are creating results, and at the moment I just can’t see it. For the time I study and the effort I’m putting in, I’m just not seeing results. My husband says he can see I’m getting better at talking, but I just can’t. So it’s annoying. I’m determined to learn it. I know one day I will speak fluently, but just now it’s difficult.

So, for the time being I’m just going to take it easy, do what makes me happy, and not stress as much. And we’ll see what happens!

Aisling

Preparing For Our Wedding

So, wedding stuff…… lights, flowers, music, alcohol, food, dress….. oh and that list goes on and on and on. . . 

With our wedding a few months away, we’re now on the clock to get everything sorted for it, and let’s just say, I’m very happy that we only have to go through this once! It’s only one day, but there’s so much planning and preparation that goes with it, I don’t think I could do it all again! This is the time when you need a wedding planner. (If only I had like tonnes of money to be able to get one) 

I still don’t have my dress, and one that I liked was too expensive. Now I have no real idea what wedding dresses cost as we haven’t really shopped around, but let’s just say it’ll be hard to find a cheap one! And what was planned as a small ‘party’ in our garden has turned into having it in an event venue with toasts, ceremonies and everything else that comes with weddings! I kept saying to myself, and others around me “It’s not really a wedding at all, it’s more like a party”. I was trying to make myself think that “it’s just a party, only a party, nothing crazy like a proper wedding, definitely not…….it’s just a small party”. But no, it’s not ‘just a party’ anymore, which scares me! 

I really don’t like being centre of attention, and a whole day being about me (and my fiancé of course) scares the living daylights out of me! Thankfully it won’t be a huge wedding, maybe with around 50 guests. I can handle that number. 

I suppose I just have to think ‘everyone getting married goes through this’. Everybody. I’m sure there’s not one bride or groom that won’t be nervous, stressed and secretly terrified about their big day, so that comforts me a little. 

But anyway, the next few months will be focused on the big day, and it’s hard not to think about anything else. When you are tight with money, you need to be careful with your budget, how much everything costs…blah blah blah. 

Oh, and I’ve learned…… photographers are EXPENSIVE!!!! I never knew how expensive they were. That’s another thing that we need to think about. I read a few years ago that one thing you shouldn’t skip on is having a professional photographer at your wedding. Yes they are expensive but they take much much better photos than anyone else at the wedding. Plus you’ll always have memories of the day by having beautiful photos. So it’s expensive but I think it’s necessary (unless you want blurred photos taken by your drunk relative as your memories)

Thankfully we are having it in Mexico, a country that is known to be cheap, so hopefully that will help our budget. We are just trying to have a cheap but nice wedding day. I know it’s an important day but I don’t want to blow loads of money on just one day. Cheap doesn’t mean it’s going to be a bad wedding. Plus with both of us not working isn’t helping, it’s not nice having our money slowly but surely disappearing, with no way to replenish it. 

With regards to our honeymoon, we haven’t really talked about it. We’ll most likely visit somewhere nice in Mexico. First get the big day out of the way, and then we’ll talk about the honeymoon. 

The countdown is on! 

Aisling

Worrying

woman working girl sitting

Photo by Alexander Dummer on Pexels.com

So with my latest posts, I was talking about how I enrolled in a Spanish course in a university here. My second time going was a bad experience, you can read about it here: No, It Didn’t Go Well

We decided to go and meet the teacher and explain to her that the level is too high. So, it turns out that the other two students that were in the class have been studying a year at the university, so they use Spanish every day because their course is in Spanish. So that is why their level is so good! I’m guessing on their free mornings they come to have class just to strengthen their Spanish. So I was worrying and wondering how I was stuck in with them when they were supposed to be ‘basic’ like me. Unfortunately the teacher never told me this, so I couldn’t understand why they were in my class. Apparently theres only two levels available to take, so they just came to the lower class. Maybe they have class before or after so 10am was the only time to go.

The teacher said that I can continue going and just observe the class, so I can improve my listening at least.

So the day after I had class and I just couldn’t go in. I just sort of had an anxiety panic attack. I just didn’t want to go in and have to sit there while the the others are blabbering away and me not being able to understand anything. I just hate that feeling.

On Wednesday I arrived to class and chat chat chat was all I heard. Again I couldn’t understand much. She asked me some questions and I ‘tried’ to answer, but when the others are talking I just can’t understand. Yesterday I went in again and there were 4 male students, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t understand about 80% of the class. Honestly. It was very difficult for me. They were laughing and joking about something and I just sat at the side just doing nothing. I couldn’t participate or anything.

So I came out of class a little down again, thinking ‘Is this what I have to deal with 5 days a week? I have to worry every morning about going in to class which I shouldn’t have to worry about. Every class I’m anxious that she’ll ask me something and I don’t understand. Maybe they’ll be chatting about a topic and the teacher will ask me “So Aisling, what do you think about climate change? and I’ll be sitting there like an eejit because I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, never mind giving my opinion on something more advanced than talking about myself’.

These are the things I think about. And I know it’s stupid. I know I should just go in there and try. But I can’t try because I can’t participate. I don’t understand anything they say, so I can’t even try to say something.

So for this week I went in 2 days, today (Friday) I woke up and just said to myself “Nope….not going in today”. And I didn’t. And do you know what? I feel absolutely great today! I’m not worried or anxious about the class. I’m not annoyed at what I didn’t understand. I’m not sad after it and thinking “Oh I said that wrong, I should have said this…” I feel wonderful today.

Anyway, that’s my dilema! Either go to class and struggle, but know that I’m getting something out of it (god knows what because at the moment I feel like the only thing I’m getting out of it is stress). Or I could just not go and be happier, but then feel annoyed that I’m not going and at least trying. It’s a tricky one!

I don’t want to feel like I’m giving up. I really don’t. But the class is just so difficult for me. If it was the level that I’m at and I just didn’t go, then yeah I would be giving up. But this situation is different, so it’s harder.

I’ve also started seeing a therapist for my anxiety. I’ve wanted to go while in China but it was expensive. So I talked about how the class went to him and why I worry a lot. So we’ll see how that goes!

But anyway, today I feel happy and worry-free. So that’s good.

Aisling