I’m Not Moving In Life

Before I left China I had great hopes: we’ll head to Ireland, I’ll get a job in Tourism, and everything will be fine!

Well no, it didn’t go that way at all. We went to Mexico and that didn’t work out for us, so then we went to Ireland and I thought “Well now I can get a job in a travel agency or something like that”.

No…. I wasn’t able to get anything. So I decided to do a 9 month course in Tourism so that I would DEFINITELY be able to get a job.

Well, a little Coronavirus Pandemic happened just before I graduated. I’ve my 8 modules completed with Distinctions in them all, and now there isn’t a job to be found in anything related to tourism.

Like I really feel I can’t get a break. Like really.

There are times where I really really regret leaving China. Yeah I would have been far from my family, but ever since I left nothing has worked out in my favour. I loved my life there, and I mourn it a lot.

Last September my husband found a job that is literally a 15 minute cycle from where we live. He actually started the same day that I started my tourism course! I remember thinking that that was a sign that everything is working out ok and we are finally headed in the right direction.

I loved my course, I done really well in the subjects, and I learned that I actually enjoy studying and learning new things. I felt that I was in the perfect course for me and everything that I learned would help me to secure a job in the travel industry.

But unfortunately with the Coronavirus, I’m literally in the same position as I was 1 year ago. No job and having to do yet another course.

When am I ever going to stop being a student? When am I going to have enough qualifications that will help me get a job? When will I ever stop studying? When can I start earning a full time wage? That’s what it feels like…. I’m going to be studying forever for a job that won’t even pay well.

I know people wanting to become doctors study for years on end, but at the end of it they will get a really high salary. I completed a 4 year degree, a 1 year course and now I’m most likely going to have to do another 1 year course. That’s 6 years of studying and I haven’t even gotten on the career ladder! I’m stuck in the mud at the bottom of it, trying to pull myself out while everyone else is climbing up and up the ladder. My face twisted in sadness and despair while everyone is clambering up.

I’m afraid to do anything now. I went to Mexico thinking that I would become fluent in Spanish, and instead what happened was that I was very unhappy and gained weight.

I thought going back to Ireland would be better, which I did, and although I was happier, I was back in the town that I left all those years ago because I couldn’t get a job.

I just can’t get going in life at all, and everything that I’ve done to change it just isn’t working. So I’m afraid to do anything in case it’s the dreaded “Oh, yet again you chose wrong Aisling. Like Mexico, like Ireland, like your course…. you chose the wrong thing”.

I really just want to get on the right path and not regret it like always!

Aisling

 

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